An Open Letter From Your Best Customer

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Dear Business,

As a person who pays you sizable sums of money for your products on a regular basis, I expect to receive a high level of customer service from your company.  I am your best and most important customer.  I know you may not agree, but you should treat me like I am.  To assist you in determining how to provide service to me when I call you, I have made a list:

1. I understand that sometimes you get overwhelmed and I need to wait on hold.  But at least tell me approximately how long you expect me to wait.  If it’s a few minutes, I’ll wait.  If it’s an hour, I’ll call back.
2. I also understand that you can’t always be overwhelmed.  If all your customers are regularly waiting on hold for more than 15 minutes, shouldn’t you do something about it?
3. If you’re going to put me on hold, how about we do something useful during that time?  Give me the option of answering some questions as to who I am and why I’m calling so I don’t take so much of your (obviously limited) agents’ time and so you don’t send me to the wrong department.
4. If I have called several times that day already, don’t put me on hold forever or connect me to a newbie agent.  The chances are I’m already pretty irate about something and it’s not solvable by a guy who’s still learning where to click on his screen.  Give me the best service that you’ve got and that will probably bring my temperature down a few degrees.
5. In fact, if it’s the fifth time I’m calling that day, why treat me like it’s my first time?  Don’t ask me the same questions over and over.  It wastes my time and yours.  Just connect me to someone who is already aware of and understands my situation, and can help.
6. And if you’re going to ask me to enter information into your automated system, please, whatever you do, do not make me have to repeat it to the agent, and enter it into your system again and repeat it to yet another agent if my call is transferred.
7. If you must transfer me to another agent or department, don’t put me back in a queue, but connect me directly to the new agent.  I’ve probably already waited on hold for the first agent long enough.  Also please take note of the reason why I ended up with the wrong agent in the first place and modify your system so it’s clearer to me and your other customers which menu option to select next time.
8. When I log in to your Web site you seem to know all about me.  Yet when I call you, you treat me like a person who just walked in off the street.  Why can’t you at least make an attempt to recognize who I am (and I don’t mean just my account number)?
9. I know that it’s probably cheaper for you to make me use your touch-tone system.  But don’t force me to jump through hoops to speak to someone.  I have no problem using the system when it provides the information I need, but there are times I know I must speak to an agent. 
10. Actually, why not let me decide upfront whether I’d prefer an agent or automated system?  Most people are smart enough to make an intelligent decision.  It surely has to be more intelligent than forcing everyone to do the same thing.
11. If I ordered something from you in the last month and now I’m requesting order status or technical support, perhaps you could hazard a guess as to the product or order I’m calling about and connect me to an agent who knows something about it?
12. I recognize that everyone has to start somewhere, but if you’re going to put a newbie agent on the line, please have a supervisor there to jump in when they get stuck.  And hmm… since I’ve bought so much from you over the last 10 years, and probably will do the same over the next 10 years, do you really want me talking to someone who’s wet behind the ears?

Sincerely,
Your Best Customer

Author’s note: What do you think, readers?  If you put your consumer hat on, what kind of service would you like?  Have you already addressed some of these issues in your call center?  How?  Please share with your colleagues.